The Love Question

After writing that last post...I got to thinking about how much love my kids really do show me. No inhibitions. From Sam spontaneously busting out with, "I love you so much, Mommy!" to Charly squeezing me so tight because she's brimming with emotion. And we all know that Felix has no inhibitions in cuddling and demanding to be cuddled.

So then I started thinking, "I'm sure I was like that when I was a kid...what happened to me?" Is this an inevitability everyone goes through? As an adult, are we taught to not love as much or show that love? Does school and the cold, hard world make us shrink back into our shells, become calculating and cynical? Put up masks, play games?

I have no idea. All I know is that I hope I'm not a huge contributor to the un-lovingness of my children. I hope I don't teach them to un-love.

I don't have much control over what happens to my kids "out there," a terrifying idea in and of itself, but hopefully I can help Sam deal with situations like, "She doesn't want to be my friend anymore," and "A boy kicked me at recess." It makes me sad that these things happen. Where's the line of teaching kids to survive "out there" and still being emotionally available?

Because the last thing I want to do is to send them out on their own emotionally stunted, having to learn how to love all over again, the hard way...like I did, or wondering whether you really knew how to truly love in the first place.

I guess the best I can do it to create and emotionally safe environment, where it's okay to experience all emotions, it's what you do with them that's important. Teaching skills, rather than controlling emotions...

What Kind are You?

Sometimes I think about what kind of mother I am. Here are some things that I came up with:

I'm not terribly worried about germs. Crawling around on store floors doesn't bother me *too much.*

I would rather my kids entertain themselves and make a mess, rather than me following me around all day saying, "No." I draw the line at breaking things or hurting themselves, but other than that...

I like to make crafts with my kids.

I like to sing to them.

I constantly think, "I couldn't possibly handle any more kids right now."

I'm easily overwhelmed by them on outings.

I think my kids are super cute and hilarious.

I'm not terribly concerned about stains on my children's clothes.

Sometimes I like to dance around and be silly with my kids, but not as much as I'd like to.

I've loosened up a lot since first becoming a parent.

I'm glad Jon has more patience than I do when he comes home from work.

Sometimes I yell at my kids.

But I also say, "I'm sorry."

And that's something.

BUT...
As much as I love them, I find my kids incredibly frustrating. I remember hearing somewhere that your kids will only throw fits if they're comfortable with their safety. Well, that's something too. My kids must feel incredibly safe, because they throw fits all.the.time.

Mostly, what I want my kids to know is that I'm a mother who loves them; who's imperfect, but willing to apologize; who loves them so much I insist on giving them boundaries and teaching them how to work; who really listens to them and doesn't poo-poo their fears and worries; who doesn't get them everything they want; who teaches them to be generous and forgiving to others; a mom who talks about Jesus and teaches them the peace and comfort that comes from following Him.

I fall short on so many of these so often, but my children are teaching me to become a better person, and in turn, I'm hopefully giving them tools to have a successful life. I'm not making them perfect, I'm not making them into anything, actually, they already are who they are. With that in mind, I hope to teach them how to deal with their specific weaknesses and strengths, how to say sorry, how to deal with heartbreak, no matter how small.

It's all about love. My kids have no trouble showering me with love. I hope someday to learn how to do the same.

Traditions

I once heard, the more senses you involve in a memory, the stronger it is. This can only mean that food must be involved. Think about it, many of my nostalgic warm and fuzzy memories include food.

I'm trying to figure out some fun family traditions we can call our own. Here's what we've been doing so far.

Every Monday, after family night, we decided to have smoothies instead of treats. My girls get so excited about their "smoothie drink" and know it's something special we do just on Monday nights. (It also helps me not to eat the leftover treats all week long, only to make more every Monday.)

Usually Sunday after church meals include a lot of scrounging and/or waffles for lunch. On Fast Sundays, I try to make a nicer meal that includes inviting some friends over to share pie for dessert.

What are some of your unique traditions?

Hold Me!

Charly constantly wants to be held. And although Felix can't talk yet, I can tell he wants it too. Even though Sam hated being held as a baby, she's extremely cuddly now and also wants to snuggle. Three children, two arms, one lap. Sometimes things get a little crazy when they're all asking, but most of the time, it's just one at a time. And it's usually Charly.

Sometimes it's incredibly inconvenient to hold a child...like when you're at the computer and they can't keep their patty-fingers off the keyboard. But I've decided that on my quest to become a better mother, with a better mother heart, I won't say, "No," if I can absolutely help it.

Although, yesterday I had to say no to Charly because I was holding Felix while his blood was being drawn. Sorry sweetie, can't do it. I know she was looking for comfort as she watched her brother get poked and prodded, but she was just going to have to deal with it herself, and she did.

I just keep thinking, "How long are they going to ask me to hold them?" I'm pretty sure the days are numbered...

Gem

The LDS church sure knows how to make an inspiring video clip.

I especially liked "Choose This Day."

Social Situations

I'm not very old or wise, but I've been around long enough to know that I'm still fairly self-conscious in social situations, specifically: large groups. I hate them. I feel like I'm 15 years old all over again. I don't hate the people in them, I hate feeling overwhelmed by how many people there are to talk to and end up talking to none of them. Easy to do when you're constantly scanning the crowd counting, 1-2-3. Okay, all the kids are accounted for.

But, I'm starting to realize that most everybody else also feels self-conscious too. After thinking about it, I've decided the only way to make these situations tolerable, is for me to focus on making someone else comfortable. Then, and only then, do I have a good time.

Sounds good. If only I could remember this during the actual party, and not after.

Games in Church?

Sacrament meeting is a hard time for wiggly bodies. Once upon a time, that wiggly body belonged to Sammy Jo, now it belongs to Charly (and Felix, but I digress.)

I started playing a simple little game with Sam a few years ago that distracts them and isn't way over their heads.

I hold aforementioned wiggly body and we say, "Jesus loves __________." And we fill in all the blanks, starting with immediate family, then extended family, then on to our friends.

It's great! They learn, and it's a great reminder for me too. It's also a good way for them to get familiar with the names of their uncles, aunts and cousins, since we've never lived close by.